Gosh im going insane

I woke up this morning to a screaming child. I am going insane, it is 12 and he still hasn't shut the hell up. I feel like getting a gun and shooting myself in the head! Like seriously I'm so fed up. I hate hate being a frigging mother. I wud rather b dead than be in this stupid situation. Having kids is suicide. Serioulsy it  is suicide !  Total total suicide so fed up

Somebody Shoot me Now!!!

If this is how my life is going to be for the rest of my life. I would rather be dead! No seriously, I would rather be dead!!! Days of, cleaning shit off the floor, endless cleaning, endless cooking, endless screaming! I am so sick of it, I feel like my life is passing me by. My days just melt into each other, how did I get here? Oh yes, my birth control failed me and now I am a reluctant mother! I hate it!!!! I want to scream every waking hour! I want to jump off a bridge and totally forget about this nightmare of a life! I want so many things but, one of the things I don't want is to be a mother anymore. I want to run away and never come back, I know what people are going to say though, they are going to say that I put myself in this situation so I should deal with it. Well, I never wanted kids, and I should have stayed a virgin for the rest of my life. Because now, I wish I had never been born! Now, I wish that I had never ever met his stupid stupid stupid father! I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!!!!! I want him out of my life for good! He just does not understand how hard it is, he thinks that women are just designed to live this hell. Anyway, that is my rant over for the day!

Get your life right before having kids

You all know my stance on this, if i knew the hell i would go through after having a child i would have remained childless.This is not  a life, it is hell.Hell on earth!!!! i advise you to get your life in order before having any children. If you have to struggle to keep food on the table then you will find yourself resenting your kids. Even hating them. I dont hate my son,but i hate with every bone in my body being a mother.it is the worst thing i have ever done in my life. Endless dirty house, non stop cleaning but it is never clean. Everything i touch gets messed up. I have to sacrifice everything for this while his dad does  not have to sacrifice a damn thing. its driving me crazy, and i am trying to run a business which is impossible with all the noise and the whining and the moaning,the routines,the playgroups, the day trips,its all a damn nightmare and i detest it. I was not built for this, and sometimes  i wanna jump out of a window.

if you want kids have a stable relationship and  stable life. enough said.

Some days you wake up and it's okay

Some days you wake up and it is okay, you know you don't feel so exhausted and you feel like things are going to be okay. Then the tantrums start the house turns into a pig sty and you feel  like running away and never looking back. Sometimes i daydream about my life before i was a mum. i think how would it have been if i did not have a child. i used to be happy, i  used to wake up feeling like the world was at my feet. now i wake up feeling like i want to jump out of  a window. i feel like someone threw me in jail and threw away the key. its a nightmare. i need to work and do something besides this. motherhood can kill, the stress of it can kill a person.

my sons father just lives his own life and all the responsibility of looking after my son falls on me.i may as well be a single mother.this is totally and uttterly ridiculous and unfair. My son is starting pre school this month which is great becausei can go in to the office. i run my own business but i work from home which is impossible pretty much to do because i never get a moment to myself.

i am praying every day for God to make this better.however, it is only getting worse.

I feel sick and fed up every day

Every dsy its getting worse. I have aged about ten years in two years. Having a baby was the worst decision I have ever mae in my life. Rght now I should be lying on a beach somewhere not cleaning shit off the floor. All my son does is cry and moan. He lives a good life  and all he does is scream. I am praying for october to come when he goes to school. The dsy could not come quick enough. I am opening an office for my business and I really can't wait to bet stuck into work and start making the kind of moey I was making before. I am not cut out tosit at home playing house. I hate it with every bone in my body. Like seriusly whoever lied and said motherhood was flowers and rainbows. Its a nightmare from morning until night.   I know some people will say that I don't deserve a child but quite frankly I don't care. I never really wanted a baby I was on birth control  which obviously failed me. Motherhood for me is like sticking pins in my eyes. I fel bad for him that he is going to be an only child but I simply cannot have anymore children.

I know I am not alone in this because I have seen hundreds of blogs about this topic. Anyway I am done  venting for today. Bye.